This song popped into my head while I was mowing my front lawn for the last time this season. If you haven’t tried it, I assure you that the steady drone of the lawnmower is wonderful for processing deep thoughts. A year ago at this time, I would not have believed that before a year had passed I would be divorced. It was a whirlwind of “suckiness” that I went through last year and the beginning of this one.

When my ex-husband first told me he had been unhappy for 5 years or more, I was stunned. Of course considering we had been married just over 6 years, the news was quite a shock. Since being unfaithful was something I would never consider, my guard wasn’t up and I was completely unprepared for what I found out in time. I guess the saying that everything eventually comes to light is right. This song by Chicago really hit home with me. Switch the “She” to “He” and I can 100% relate. My ex more than emphatically denied that there was someone else. In fact at the time we met for lunch about a month after our divorce, he insisted that he was not in a relationship nor was he intending to be.

Seeing the photos of him with the new squeeze and reading the posts she shared about their time together after she “accidentally” sent me a Facebook friend request hurt me deeply. At that time in August, I didn’t believe that I would ever be glad that my ex was not faithful to me. I felt sadness and anger towards his new love, but from where I am now, the sadness and anger has dissipated. I feel no anger towards her. In fact, I feel sad that she might eventually be subjected to the same thing I had been.

As in this song by Chicago, it is a wonderful paradox that if my ex had been faithful, I would have been cheated out of the relationship with my new sweetie. Being accepted for who I am is refreshing. I certainly have many faults and quirks, but while he might tease me about them, he never talks down to me or makes me feel like I need to change if I want the relationship to work. I can’t adequately express how much easier things are. It is like a weight has been lifted and I am free to live in the moment and enjoy life. Certainly I want to and will continue to try to improve myself, but I don’t have the feeling that it is a deal breaker if I slip up now and then.

My love language is acts of service and my new sweetheart is fluent in that language. He has been there for me so many times already. Just two days ago he picked up the girls for me when I had a conflict because of the conversation class I help to teach. When he dropped them off he disconnected the back hose that I was having problems with and also covered up the fire pit that I had forgotten to cover. Sunday evening he single handedly cut the ceiling tiles for Marta’s bedroom and got them back in place in record time. It was fun to watch him at work. He is a home improvement pro…..measure twice and cut once, and boy is he steady with the utility knife! Had I tried to do that, I have no doubt there would have been some choice words uttered and it wouldn’t have looked anywhere near as nice!

So, in the words of the song, my ex and his new honey were, “doing me a favor, A blessing in disguise.” I am so happy with my sweetheart. It is ironic that I had to lose to win. I am truly grateful for him and I know how lucky I am to be with such a kind, thoughtful and faithful man ❤

“If She Would Have Been Faithful…”

I was thinking about her
Visiting the past
Reconstructing details with old photographs
Studying the faces
With an objective point of view
Suddenly remembering doesn’t haunt me
At the time you couldn’t tell me
That one day I’d be glad
That something that I thought was love was misinterpreted
She had another lover, she emphatically denied
But they were doing me a favor
A blessing in disguise

If she would have been faithful
If she could have been true
Then I would’ve been cheated
I would never know real love
I would’ve missed out on you

I watch you sleeping, your body touching me
There’s no doubt about it
This is where I want to be
You know it’s so ironic, I had to lose to win
I want to thank her (Thank her again)

If she would have been faithful
If she could have been true
Then I would’ve been cheated
I would never know real love
I would’ve missed out on you

It’s a paradox, full of contradiction
How I got from there to here
It defies a
Logical explanation

If she would have been faithful
If she could have been true
Then I would’ve been cheated
I would never know real love
I would’ve missed out on you (Missed out on you)
If she would have been faithful
If she could have been true
Then I would’ve been cheated
I would never know real love
I would’ve missed out on you (Missed out on you)

If she would have been faithful (If she would have been faithful)
If she would have been faithful (If she would have been faithful)
If she would have been faithful (If she would have been faithful)
If she would have been faithful