Nice and Easy

The song that I am loving right now!

Let’s take it nice and easy
It’s gonna be so easy
For us to fall in love

Hey baby what’s your hurry
Relax and don’t you worry
We’re gonna fall in love

We’re on the road to romance – that’s safe to say
But let’s make all the stops along the way

The problem now of course is
To simply hold your horses
To rush would be a crime
‘Cause nice and easy does it every time

We’re on the road to romance – that’s safe to say
But let’s make all the stops along the way

The problem now of course is
To simply hold your horses
To rush would be a crime
‘Cause nice and easy does it
‘Cause nice and easy does it
‘Cause nice and easy does it every time
Nice and easy does it
Nice and easy does it
Nice and easy does it every time

Lately I find myself wondering if it is too early to be falling so quickly and deeply for my new sweetheart. How, I ask myself, can I already picture far into the future with him? I don’t have a picture of exactly what the future will look like, but I know I want him in it. โค

Strange duck that I am, I find myself asking Google for the answer ๐Ÿ˜‰ I found several articles, but I liked the one linked here:

https://www.expertrain.com/blog/happiness/signs-its-love-not-lust.htm

This article is titled “20 Signs It’s Love Not Lust” – I know the beginning of a relationship is always more intense, but I believe what my sweetie and I have is more than just physical attraction and chemistry. Since I am one that makes lists and checks boxes, here is a list of the signs. Click on the link above to read the entire article – definitely worth reading!

#1 – You show affection, even when sex isn’t on the cards. – Check

#2 – You want them to meet your family and friends. – Check

#3 – You’re happy making plans for the future. – Check

#4 – You have deep conversations. – Check

#5 – Your friends are sick of hearing about them. – ?? – Haven’t heard complaints yet.

#6 – You’re willing to go the extra mile (altering plans to see each other). – Check

#7 – You’re happy doing mundane tasks together. – Check

#8 – You can’t stop thinking about them. – Check

#9 – You care about what they want. – Check

#10 – You find their quirks charming. – ?? I find everything about him charming, so Check

#11 – You don’t notice other people as much. – Check

#12 – You’re happy doing nothing together. – Check

#13 – You’re quick to compromise. – Haven’t had to compromise, but I’m very willing to. ๐Ÿ˜‰

#14 – You re-asses your priorities (putting things off so we can spend time together). – Check

#15 – They scare the shit out of you (because they have the power to hurt you) – Scary, but I trust him ๐Ÿ™‚

#16 – You have great chemistry. – Check, Check, Check!!!!

#17 – You can’t wait to spend more time with them. – Check

#18 – You value their opinion – Check

#19 – They make you want to be a better person. – Check

#20 – You just can’t get enough. – Check

The article says, “If you can say yes to most or all of these signs, then you’re in love! If not, don’t give up just yet – sometimes love can take a while to grow between two people.”

According to this article and the others that I have read, I’m definitely on the “road to romance”. Even though those three little words haven’t been said yet, I am confident that they will be eventually โค . In the meantime, I am very much enjoying the journey and the stops along the way! “Nice and easy does it every time!”

I made this little zentangle for my sweetie โค

Posted in Dating, Embrace Life, happiness, living life to the fullest, love, relationships | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

Happiness

Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so.

Robert Green Ingersoll

It was a memorable week in our little household. Last Sunday, the girls and I took a class at Canvas 2 Paint downtown. Our teacher, Kelly, did an amazing job instructing us and I think all of ours turned out fabulously!!

Happiness isn’t something you experience; it’s something you remember. Oscar Levant

Oscar Levant

Mara and Marta had never done mini-golf before, so I decided that they couldn’t miss out on that experience. Friday night we headed to Putz-n-Glo which has black lights and is themed from the 60s through the 90s with murals on the walls commemorating all that was “cool” in those decades. My new sweetheart joined in the fun and wound up being the champion with a score several strokes under par!

Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.

John Harrigan

To top off the wonderful week, Mara and Marta found out on Saturday (after their Thursday tryouts) that they made the cheerleading squad! Congratulations girls!! ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰

Posted in accomplishment, adventure, Carpe Diem, Embrace Life, happiness, Learning, living life to the fullest | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Just say………..YES!

As I start writing, I am experiencing deja vu because I’m sure I have covered this topic before. ๐Ÿ˜‰  My default answer to unfamiliar things tends to be no, but I have been making a sincere effort to say yes more often and to be open to new experiences and opportunities.

My comfort zone is pretty small.  For almost the last year I have essentially been in a small circle filled with immediate family members, coworkers and a few friends.  I ventured out to take classes and to participate in activities with those in my circle. I didn’t let anyone new in that little circle.  Doing so meant taking a chance and leaving myself vulnerable. I wasn’t willing to take that risk.

Dipping my toe into the online dating pool only convinced me more that there were plenty of nice gentlemen out there, but none that ignited any kind of spark in me. I wanted someone that made my heart go pitter pat and if I couldn’t find that, I didn’t plan to settle.

One month ago today I was looking forward to my two girls arrival and had one weekend left before they arrived. I don’t know what it was that made me reactivate my profile on match.com, but whether a push from beyond (thanks Mom) or divine intervention (thank you God), I am so glad I did.

A month ago I took a chance and said yes to a first date That first date led to a second date that evening followed by a third date the following day. Three days later it was date number four and then the fifth date two days after that. Date six, a Sunday breakfast date was followed that evening by our seventh date which would turn out to be quite memorable ๐Ÿ˜‰.

We met and walked around the park, went to an ice cream shop and played a few old arcade games in a local arcade. We held hands while walking around and I felt the pitter pat of my heartโค. When we walked back to our respective vehicles and said goodnight, we shared our first kiss. It was incredibly sweet and it made me want more. โค

When he sent me flowers on our birthday and then came over to meet my family and to celebrate with me, I knew he was someone very special and someone that I want in my life.

The lovely bouquet I received from my sweetheart on our birthdayโค

Since then I have said yes to meeting his wonderful kiddos and his brother and sister in law (very nice, fun people) and in return have introduced him to all my kiddos and most of my family. I said yes to Motocross racing, which made my heart race in a very non-romantic way, but I still enjoyed being there with him. He also invited Mara and Marta along and they had an absolute blast! He invited me to come shooting this weekend. That would have been a hard NO in the past, but I find that I am willing to expand my comfort zone and try new things with him.

At the Motocross races in Deadwood.

He brought two of his three kiddos over to celebrate Marta’s 17th birthday last night. His kids are delightful and it is apparent how much they love their dad. I look forward to spending more time with them too.

Marta celebrating her 17th birthday in America ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธโค๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ

The lesson that I have learned from all of this is that while initially it may be hard to take that first step outside my comfort zone and to say yes to new opportunities, the reward is so worth the risk.

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Faith needs Works

One volunteer opportunity that I love is lectoring at church. I am on the schedule next Sunday and I always like to practice the reading a few times before Mass so that I am familiar with it. It is from James 2:14-18.ย  Here is that passage:

What good is it, my brothers and sisters,

If someone says he has faith but does not have works?

Can that faith save him?

If a brother or sister has nothing to wear

and has no food for the day,

and one of you says to them,

“Go in peace, keep warm and eat well,”

but you do not give them the necessities of the body,

what good is it?

So also faith of itself,

if it does not have works, is dead.

Indeed someone might say,

“You have faith and I have works.”

Demonstrate your faith to me without works,

and I will demonstrate my faith to you from my works.

James 2:14-18

This passage brought to mind something that happened two weeks ago when we met my sister and her family on a chilly day at the lake. My two exchange students were not prepared for the cool, breezy conditions and were both shivering. My new suitor gallantly offered both his jacket and his sweatshirt so that both girls would be warm, even though that left him with just his t-shirt and shorts. He is a great dad to two girls and a boy, so it seems it is second nature for him to take care of others. This was such a difference and a welcome change from my ex. It truly touched my heart that he was willing to hang out with my kids and extended family after knowing me such a short time and that he was as considerate of my girls as he is of his own kids.

He does believe in God, but does not attend church services.ย  I think this is much better than one who attends or even leads church services but does not act as Jesus asks us to. To me simply being a “church going” person does not make one a “good” person. To stand up in church and tell people how to live their lives and how Jesus wants us to be while spending the other six days of the week being selfish, greedy and breaking the commandments God gave us is hypocritical at best, evil at worst. I would rather be with people who “walk the walk” and act in a godlike, giving way than with those who “talk the talk” and have all the right words to say but whose actions do not coincide with those words. The serpent in the Garden of Eden did as much.

My new suitor with my Dad and my girls after enjoying the classic car parade in Deadwood

Even with the limited time I have known my new suitor, I have seen so many good qualities and such generosity that I predict more good times to come. Our first date was less than a month ago and even in that short time he has shown such consideration and kindness. Last Saturday he drove me, my lovely girls and his own beautiful daughters all the way to Devil’s Tower, WY and Monday he took us, including my son, through Bear Country in his truck. On the way back from Bear Country, he even suggested a stop at the huge candy store that is nearby, knowing that all the kiddos (this big one included) would love it.

Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.

Harold Kushner

Photos from Devil’s Tower and Bear Country – amazing adventures!

A while back while re-reading my journals, I came across something I had written years ago. I noted that my first husband, the father of my kiddos, is one who thinks of others and then himself while my (at the time) current husband thinks of himself first and then others. I believe that my new suitor is cut from the same cloth as my kids’ dad and is one to do for others first. That speaks volumes of his character and I consider myself very fortunate to have found him. Who knows what the future will bring, but I hope it brings many more adventures for us.

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The Lost Has Been Found!!! ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŽ‰

The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.

Gilbert K. Chesterton
After living for 10 DAYS without her suitcase, Mara is all smiles to finally have it in hand!

Friday was a red letter day in our happy household! Mara’s bag had been lost since she arrived on the 17th, but finally on the 27th, a full 10 days later, she has her bag which will take her through the school year ๐Ÿ˜Š She was definitely enjoying the moment she first saw her bag! Life is sweet! โค

The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it.

Richard Bach
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A Memorable Day!

A new watercolor in honor of my Birthday Twin and me! ! ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰

Today is a day to remember for many reasons. It is my birthday, the big 53 this year.ย  It is also the birthday of my new suitor from Match.com. While enjoying a yummy lunch with him on our first date at Olive Garden, we talked about birthdays and discovered we share one. How sweet is that?!? He is a wee bit younger than me,, but not so much that it raises eyebrows. ๐Ÿ˜„ It is also the birthday of my sweet niece.ย  So many reasons to celebrate! ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.

J. B. Priestly
Marta and Mara, two beautiful Cobblers! โค

It is also the first day of school for Marta and Mara, my beautiful, brave exchange students. They are so nervous, but I am here for them and am praying for a wonderful first day for them bothโค  I know they have what it takes to make this an amazing senior year in America!!๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธโค๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ

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The gang’s all here! Now the fun begins!! ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰

Our little family is complete. Photo credit to Nathan who joined us in welcoming Marta! ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ“ท๐Ÿ˜Š

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.

Anais Nin

We were so excited to be able to welcome Marta tonight! She had a SUPER long day, so is resting up tonight before our adventures begin tomorrow! We are going to see our famous faces at Mount Rushmore! Then, I believe it will be an early night for everyone. I think Mara is getting closer to adjusting to the time difference, but if her luggage would ever arrive, she would be much happier! Last we heard it MIGHT have made it to Brussels. ๐Ÿ™„ Her parents and I are trying from both sides of the ocean to figure out just what we need to do. We are hopeful that she will have it soon!

Luckily Marta’s luggage made the trip with her, so one less challenge to face. Registering for classes happens Monday and she starts school on Tuesday! Mara is a step ahead and is registered already and has visited many of her classrooms. We are hopeful that we will be able to walk Marta around Monday after she get her schedule set. Right now I know that it is all new and scary for them, but I’ll bet in a month’s time, they will wonder why they were ever nervous!

Mara and Martaโค Hopefully the beginning of a long lasting friendship โค๐Ÿ˜Šโค

I am excited to have the opportunity to share our beautiful city and state with the girls and to see them blossom as they adjust to their new home and develop confidence and self assurance! It’s going to be a GREAT year!

Of all possessions a friend is the most precious.

Herodotus
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Happy 2nd Heavenly Birthday, Mom

The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.

Russell M. Nelson

Mom always loved birthdays. I’m sure our celebrations here are only a shadow of what she can experience in Heaven. Thinking of you today, Mom, and wishing you the most wonderful celebration ๐Ÿฅณโค๐Ÿฅณ

โค Love, Beth

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
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The adventure begins…

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

Next week at this time both my host daughters will have arrived! What an exciting time!!

Kudos to these two brave girls with a grand sense of adventure, willing to leave their families for the entire school year . They are curious about a different culture and willing to step out of their comfort zones to experience that.

The wonderful thing about them taking that leap of faith and daring to take a chance and to have that adventure is that not only will they get to share our culture, but they will share theirs as well. I think it is a great benefit to their fellow classmates to learn about what is similar and what is different between their home countries and our own.

One of the best things about hosting is to watch the kids blossom and adapt to new situations. I expect that my host daughters will be quite overwhelmed initially, but I will help however I can and I am certain that in no time they will discover confidence with the language, their classes and newly formed friendships. They will carry this confidence with them in future endeavors and will make memories that they will always treasure.

Adventure is worthwhile.

Aesop

We already have our own adventures planned for their year here. I have so much to look forward to with these twoโค The only thing I don’t look forward to is having to say goodbye at the end of the school year.

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Nothing lasts forever. Enjoy it while you can!

This sweet little angel reminds us to listen to Cesare Pavese and make the most of every moment! โค

Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.

Horace

Yesterday, to my dismay I discovered that my lovely hot poker plants that had just started blooming were a bit too tempting for the deer that visit my yard to leave alone. I’m so glad I got a photo before they met their demise. While I lost the hot poker plants, I am thankful that the large lily opened up. As with life, there are endings but also new beginnings. I will enjoy and appreciate my lily while I have it. โค

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Buddha

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Imagine….

Back to the positive!! Can’t stay mired down too long. I have a fondness for pigs, so made this little guy. He is a cutie and since he has wings, I’m guessing he has a delightful imagination! Here are some great quotes I found about imagination! :

Trust that little voice in your head that says ‘Wouldn’t it be interesting if…’; And then do it.

Duane Michals

A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.

Albert Einstein
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Would I Like a Spotless Mind? I think so.

This post is filled with some raw emotions and not so positive pondering. If you would like the happier, more positive posts, I surely understand. Feel free to stop now and find a more optimistic one! ๐Ÿ˜ Sometimes I just need to get these thoughts out so I can move on.

A one minute doodle of me with and without my ex in my head

If you are still with me, here we go!

Many years ago I saw the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet. It is a strange show, but thinking of it started my imagination running wild. Given the chance, would I opt to forget my entire relationship with my most recent ex-husband as Kate Winslet’s character Clementine chooses to do with former boyfriend, Joel? Would I like to have every memory of him erased from my mind?

Honestly, I think I would. I would miss out on the memory of meeting some of his wonderful relatives, but I wouldn’t remember so wouldn’t be sad. Honestly, even though I grew to love them as family, I will most likely never see any of them again. ๐Ÿ˜• We had no children together, so no drastic alterations to the space/time continuum would occur. I would have 12 years of my life back and could have happy memories of times spent with my kids, family and friends. Memories of amazing trips and holidays would be altered to eliminate him.

โ€œWhat a loss to spend so much time with someone, only to find out that sheโ€™s a stranger.โ€

Joel Barish
(as played by Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)

I understand Joel’s anguish in the quote above. I feel like all the years with my ex were a waste. I never truly knew him. He never got close to any of my kids, so no worry about any of them needing to have mind wipes done. They have forgotten him already and continue to encourage me to do the same. Thinking back, the only thing I gained from that relationship was meeting his family and friends. He once told me he thought I loved his mom more than I did him. That was probably true. He and I used to joke about a vacation when he yelled at me during a kayaking excursion. How funny is that? ๐Ÿ™„ Did I ignore a few red flags๐Ÿšฉ๐Ÿšฉ๐Ÿšฉ? Definitely. In my defense, I took my vows seriously and meant for the relationship to be forever.

Reading through my old journals, I see SO many moments when I should have slowed things down or stopped them. Perhaps many of those were divine interventions designed to make me think twice, but I was so “in love”, reason and logic went out the window. He was from too far away and was controlling from the beginning of our relationship. Two different trips to meet him required me to stay inside a hotel room all day, even multiple days while he was in a conference. A trip to Disney, our first together, saw him riding one of the rides solo rather than waiting for me to get in line with him after I stood in line to get FastPasses for the two of us. I was an afterthought from the beginning.

He was handsome and he had a wonderful way with words. I was flattered by the attention, and if I had to get up at 5:00 am because that is what worked for his schedule, I was happy to do it. Honestly, the first time we met in person, I was underwhelmed, but with as much time as I had invested by then, I convinced myself that this was it. He was my person.

He has already moved on and I want to be able to do the same. Getting a friend request last week from his old “friend” with the pages full of photos of the two of them together and a specific post that referenced the “many times” she has visited the small town he now lives in was hurtful and cruel. I would love it if I could just brush that away without a thought rather than letting it hurt me. If I would have been offered a time machine that day with the opportunity to visit the past and to never interact with him, I would have jumped at the chance.

You take your power back by letting people go.

Emma Xu

The mind wiping might be the best solution, though. If I had a time machine, I could go back and end it at the very beginning, but it might change the good things that happened in those years. By taking out only the memories of him, I would still retain memories of all the special times with my kids and family and friends. I would still have memories of the wonderful places I’ve been, just not with the added anguish of having experienced them with someone who no longer loves me and possibly never did.

If all the memories of him were gone, so too would be the anxiety of often feeling not good enough, of being too messy, not smart enough, too angry, too relaxed, too much of a planner, someone who shares too much. I definitely have my share of flaws and I realize this and can’t wipe them away even with a mind sweep. With all memories of him erased, I could, however, get over the feeling that I had to hide or quash any flaws in order to keep things “good” between us. Also gone would be the sometimes thoughtless, cruel comments and threats that replay in my mind when it is silent.

He threatened to take half of everything I owned, including my new/old house, my savings and my partial ownership in our family business if I didn’t sign over the entire house he is living in. He contributed nothing to any of this in the years we were together. Our finances were separate. I alone made the significant down payment on the house he is in. I knew then that if he ever had cared for me, he certainly didn’t anymore. I did as he asked, as I generally did. I’ve been told that with a good lawyer, I would have prevailed, but a long drawn out court battle was not worth it to me. He still has the house and all the equity including the down payment that took my entire savings up to the point we purchased it in 2018. To his credit, he did tell me after the divorce was final that he wouldn’t have followed through with that threat. Another “memorable” moment with him toward the end was when he said, ” I don’t understand why it is taking so long for you to get over your Mom [her death less than 6 months earlier]. It’s not like you were that close.” Unbelievable, right?!

I kept from telling anyone about some of the things I have been through because I didn’t want people to think less of him despite what has transpired. There comes a time, though when enough is enough. I was content to let things be until the new relationship was thrust at me along with the little caveat that this has been going on for quite some time since she has visited “many times.” That was enough to finally push me to block his e-mail in addition to previously blocking him from texting, calling and social media. I also removed him as a follower on my blog as well as his “friend” who subscribed via e-mail. As Ominek says below, when I’m done, I’m done. I certainly don’t need that in my life. This post is me saying I’m done! There will be no “friendship” or any contact of any kind from here on out. I am hopeful that he and his “friend” will leave me alone and will build their own life together and leave me out of it.

I’m guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve but when I’m done, I’m done.โ€

Turcois Ominek

So, if I had the opportunity to erase him from my mind completely, I would definitely sign up. Until then, all I can do is to try my best not to let him take up space in my head. I hope to someday be able to move on as well. Somewhere out there, there may be a person who I want to reside in my head and in my heart for today, tomorrow and forever.

If you made it to the end, thank you for hanging in there! Sometimes just for my own peace of mind, I need to expel the inner “yuckiness”. I promise to get back up on the positive path!

Thank you to all of my wonderful visitors and followers (aka blogging friends) who make it so much easier to find the good in life and in other people โค

Posted in independence, Let it go, Love Yourself, moving on, persevere, relationships | Tagged , , , , | 15 Comments