I think this quote from Robin Williams is so accurate. I truly used to think that being alone was the worst thing that could happen to me. I’m an introvert, so huge crowds drain me, but I do crave connections. I still would love to be able to have someone with me, someone to be able to say, Welcome Home, honey and a for-sure movie or dinner date. I still miss snuggling and look forward to the day when I have someone to kiss and to hold hands with.
Even now, I hear the voice in my head from the one who made me feel more alone when I was married than I have since. That voice tells me I don’t deserve someone. I’m not good enough. I have too many flaws. 😦
I am one that gives chance after chance and tries to always see the good in people. I am definitely guilty of trying to “fix” situations that are not fixable and to make excuses for inexcusable behavior.
One of the great exercises that my therapist gave me is to pretend that I am talking to a friend who is in the exact same situation. What advice would I give her? Hypothetically, If my friend were to call me and ask me if she should stay in contact with a person who broke her heart, I would say an emphatic NO, not just NO, but HELL NO! And, while it is hard to shut and lock that door, it is very necessary for peace of mind and mental health.
Despite what has happened, I still feel like there will be a special someone for me. When the time is right, he will “come out of nowhere and into my life” as Michael Bublé so eloquently sings. Any fans of the movie “Practical Magic” will remember when Sandra Bullock’s character, Sally, came up with a spell to call true love to her. She created someone so good he couldn’t possibly exist. While that didn’t ultimately end up the best for her, I don’t wish to call an “impossible” person to me. I was thinking of it and I did write down last night the attributes that my special someone will have. Here is my “perfect person”:
- Handsome (just enough for me…not drop dead gorgeous….but sometimes love makes the ordinary extraordinary)
- Loving and affectionate
- Encourages me to be a better person, but accepts when I don’t quite make it
- Can (playfully) tease me
- Accepts my faith
- Gets along with my kids (as I will with his kids if he has them)
- Loves (or at least tolerates 😉 )my puppy Romeo
In the meantime, while I’m waiting for the time to be right, I’ll be single, happy and hopeful 🙂 I found a little sign that I have on my desk right now. It says, “I’m not single. I have a dog”. Works for me!