Tomorrow I will be attending the funeral of a good friend of my sweetheart’s, the best friend of his brother and a truly wonderful person. The news of his death, I believe, was a shock to everyone who knew him. I didn’t know him very long or very well, but in the few times I had been around him, he radiated a calm, gentle presence and his smile was one that lit up a room. I remember at his 50th birthday party when he and his fiancee had just moved into their new home how he showed us the backyard and where his garden was going to go. He was excited about having a garden and was looking forward to tending his plants and flowers.

In a moment of despair, he chose to end his own life, leaving behind an empty garden and heartbroken friends and family members. “If only” is something on the minds and lips of those left behind. If only he had talked to someone, if only he had thought about the friends and family that he would leave behind, if only he had chosen to find another outlet for his pain, if only he had realized that everything is temporary, if only he realized at that moment how much he was loved and cared for.

The National Institute of Mental Health website has helpful resources for those who themselves are struggling or have a friend or family member struggling. On the website, I found this: “Suicide is a major public health concern. In 2020, suicide was the 12th leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of over 45,900 people. Suicide is complicated and tragic, but it is often preventable. Knowing the warning signs for suicide and how to get help can help save lives.”

https://www.self.com/story/help-friend-suicide-loss-survivor

I found a helpful article from Self Magazine that gives ideas of helpful, healing things to say to a friend who has lost a loved one to suicide, as well as things not to say. One line stood out for me. “Being a fully present listener is often more important than figuring out exactly what to say.” I think just knowing that someone is there is greatly appreciated.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please know that there is help available. Everyone struggles with sorrow and stress, and there is absolutely no shame in admitting that we need help and support. I wish there was a way to let everyone know that they matter. It brings to mind the song “Disappear” from the musical Evan Hansen. I’ve added a link if you’d like to listen. I love the following lyrics:

https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/4VM6WUdnRnBv6cHAjyzxcK?utm_source=generator

Even if you’ve always been that
Barely-in-the-background kind of guy
You still matter
And even if you’re somebody who can’t escape the feeling
That the world’s passed you by
You still matter

If you never get around to doing some remarkable thing
That doesn’t mean

That doesn’t mean
That you’re not worth remembering
Think of the people who need to know

They need to know

So you need
To show them
I need to show them
That no one deserves to be forgotten

No one deserves to be forgotten

No one deserves to fade away

To fade away

No one should flicker out or have any doubt
That it matters that they are here

No one deserves

No one deserves

To disappear

Please know that you matter to me! 😊Thank you for reading. ❤